to myself

every day in my life I find myself questioning almost everything I have and do. I wonder if I rightly use my right to live, if I'm making it special enough.
what about my studies, are they right for me? and my friends, what do they really think? is playing frisbee good for me or will it lead to another drama? do I do my dreams justice or am I already caught in a capitalistic way of life, leading to a reasonable job with the main focus on money? am I aware of all my possibilities and do I make the best of them? do I use my potenial in every single way?
live is the most confusing thing ever and at times I feel the urge to express my emotions in a song, which wouldn't work with my basic guitar skills on the one hand and my high demands on the other... then I think, just write them down, but the words just wouldn't suit my complex thoughts or my high expectations on poetry. there are days I'm not even sure I have a single talent.
I look in the mirror and wonder if that's really me.
I can't make up my mind about myself and I don't want to. in contrary, other people seem so established in their way of life and sure about what they wanna do and who they wanna be. how do they do that? aren't they afraid to miss out?
The question is: I might be 80 years old before I finally find my true self, or better: before I've seen all sides of my true self... Does that scare me?
Yes, definitely. This is the only secure answer I can give. Not to know all the others might be difficult, but above all, it gives me freedom.