Oh Captain, my Captain

Surely this is not the first time I'll tell you about this great team, but probably, this will be the last. At least for quite a while...
Most of the almost 6 years of playing ultimate frisbee, I've only played with one women team: the best one, the coolest one, Frau Rauscher! As a co-founder and frequent player, of course I always enjoyed being part of this team and I cared about it. But only when I became captain I started feeling responsible for whatever happens in it and to it. It wasn't my idea, instead, our former captain (who is a much better player than me) suggested me as a captain. And luckily another girl was interested in this job. It turned out that we complemented each other quite well: the "two-headed dragon", we were called.
The team qualified for the first league outdoors. It was a great season, crowned with success at the finals in Frankfurt, where we fought a hard fight against the Heidees (later runners up of the tournament) and lost with only one point, having only 8 players running their asses off for 2h15mins. The game was supposed to last only 1,5hours... Left with lots of enthusiasm for the next season, the captains were proud and eager to see where things would be going.

But then it came a little different. Due to losing some of our reliable and experienced players and due to only a few people coming to practise on a regular basis, we didn't do well this season. Frau Rauscher's "two-headed dragon" tried it's best but we couldn't motivate everyone to give their hearts into the game. It was especially frustrating for me because I knew it would be my last season with the team...

Now, it's all over, baby blue, and there's nothing left to do. It felt harsh when they'd chosen a new captain to replace me, without saying a word of gratitude, or even farewell. Maybe they didn't know...?

I know I did a lot of work behind the scenes, and some of the noticeable stuff wasn't to everyone's pleasure. As a captain, you have to kick the team's ass. You're the one to tell those off who are late, and to patiently talk to the talented-but-furious player who just wouldn't take any critics. (And guess what, I liked doing those things! But still, they're exhausting...) You're the one to blame if things go wrong, because you're responsible. I took this very seriously last season, which is probably why I felt so down when we failed to qualify for first league. As a captain I felt this was also my fault, and I should have done better. But noone told me what I did wrong. I feel like I'm leaving unfinished work. Is this why noone said anything? Because they weren't satisfied with me as captain? I'm aware it's not about my popularity, but about making the players care for the team. Frau Rauscher should have been their priority, as it was mine. Maybe in the end there wasn't anything I could have done, maybe it was just the wrong timing.

I hope Frau Rauscher will develop well and become successful again! I will miss the team a lot and it will be hard to get used to a new one... There was always something special about Frau Rauscher, a mix of fighting-spirits and self-doubts, that made us unpredictable. In any way, I believe they will keep getting better players and grow together as the team.
Despite not getting the acknowledgement I'd hoped for, I will try to believe that the team also enjoyed having me as a captain. I've learned a lot about leading groups and made many mistakes, that next time I won't do. If there will be a next time... At least one thing I know for sure: the next captain I have, I'll try to support better than the last one. Because I used to be a slacker of a player, you know, one of those knowing it better. Sigh. Why do you always have to walk in someone elses shoes before you really understand?

Flohmarkt und Fortschritt

Du weißt, dass du alt bist, wenn du nicht zu einer Party gehst, weil sie an einem Dienstag stattfindet.

Du weißt, dass auch der Staat es mit Studieren übertreibt, wenn man sowas lesen muss: http://www.faz.net/aktuell/feuilleton/forschung-und-lehre/universitaetsreform-warum-ich-meinen-lehrstuhl-raeume-1754332.html


Abgesehen vom Altern, von Partys die ich verpasse und von Impfschutzbestimmungen für Südostasien, beschäftigt mich vor allem meine Prüfungssituation. Nach über der Hälfte aller Termine konnte ich der Einsicht nicht mehr ausweichen, dass Erfolg nicht durch meine Noten, sondern mein persönliches Empfinden zustande kommt. Mein innerer Maßstab meldet Alarm:
Hauptsache bestehen, gut und schön, aber was ist mit der Zufriedenheit?

Letztens wurde mir wieder ganz deutlich bewusst, wie irrsinnig unser Streben wird, wenn sich der Zufall einschaltet. Da laufe ich an meinem alten Briefkasten vorbei (ja, umgezogen bin ich auch vor kurzem, als ob nicht schon genug los wär. aber meine neue Mitbewohnerin ist großartig, das hat sich gelohnt!), greife rein, weil die Namen noch dran stehen, und siehe da: ein Brief von der Uni. Mitteilung über Terminänderung meiner letzten Prüfung. Zum Glück um eine Woche nach hinten verschoben, nicht nach vorn, aber... warum schicken die das nicht an die neue Adresse? Na klar, bei der Anmeldung hinterlegte Adressaufkleber! Da guckt man als Sekretärin nicht im PC nach, ob sich was bei der Studentin geändert hat. Blöder Fortschritt!

Zufälligerweise haben wir letztes Wochenende (das wo die Sonne schien - falls sich jemand erinnert) auf dem Flohmarkt in Karlsruhe sehr viel Krempel unter die Leute gebracht. D.h. Dinge, die ich nicht mehr brauche an Menschen verkauft, die sie auch nicht brauchen. Das ist eine sehr schöne Erfahrung. Da gibt es lustige Momente, wie den wo mir die ältere Damen gerade 5€ für 3 alte Taschenbücher reicht, als ihr Mann heraneilt und etwas außer Atem meint: "Du sollst doch nicht noch mehr... ach, zu spät." Glück für mich.
Und nicht zu vergessen der völlig verdrehte Moment, wo ein Mann mittleren Alters ein Buch ablehnt, und teils entschuldigend, teils mitleidig nur meint: "Kindle."