time

Time is short, already half of it for my diploma thesis is gone! Right now I should be sitting in the liberary and write write write. If only it all hadn't to be correct and as objective as possible, I would have more creative freedom...

Time is long! Indeed, time can be a very subjective thing, though everyone might agree that 7 years is a huge amount of hours, even days! What if you don't see someone that long, someone you had a close relationship with, and then suddenly meet again?
I had about 24 hours thinking about that question. It didn't stay alone for long, other questions came up, such as: how will he have changed, and how have I in his opinion? Many many thoughts were on my mind. Indeed, such a reunion is a great chance to learn a lot about yourself in particular, and about relationships in general...
So when I finally saw an old friend again after 7 years (he lives in Canada, that's why our roads hadn't crossed earlier), first of all, I couldn't believe it. Neither could he. It was just too crazy! It turns out that he hadn't changed so much, neither had I, instead we both had grown (up). I was sooo curious about his impression of my character, because -apart from being obsessed with characters in change- I rarely get the chance to hear someone's opinion who can easily compare what should be two different lifes in one person. Also I was sooo curious about all the action I had missed in his life, and there was a lot going on. It might have been the best part of our reunion to see that we both have been living our lives to as we wanted: he had accomplished such amazing projects (skateboarding and paragliding over Canada) and I had found ultimate frisbee!
It's hard to describe what it's like being in a such sitution as we were, maybe meeting an old relative comes close. It's very good to know that you can base friendships on old realtionships, like opening a can after some time has passed by, enjoying some conserved memories and still finding enough passions in common.

Now, and yet again, it's time to change some things about me, such as becoming more patient, especially with friendships and other relationships. Or to become more self-confident, and less self-defensive. What will probably not change soon is my imbalance of provoking and harmonizing with others. I'll often be getting into someone's face, sometimes intentionally, sometimes not, and I'll probably feel sorry about it. I need to keep some part of my personality, right!?
I wouldn't mind if it takes another life until I am who I want to be, I still have time. Yesterday I thought of how we change while growing up, and I thought of the following thesis: we spent so much time in our young years with making mistakes, and so much time in our adulthood avoiding them. This makes it both exhausting and boring! Of course we need to take on responsibility, but we should not be too afraid to keep exploring and redefine our rights and wrongs.



Hope the song doesn't sound too sad, I just think it's wonderful! Love hearing it on my bicycle...

nothing stranger than life

Why do we make it so complicated? Our desire to make things easy and to regulate everything as we want it, makes life so difficult. We set up standards that we can't maintain and we make rules that we don't follow. Argh, I just wanna throw my life away and become... a musician! Easy to say after a glass (or bottle?) of red wine, being 25 (or...?) and on the edge of change. What makes me stay up late, thinking, wondering, philosophing about the important questions of life? Really, the simple questions come to you at daylight times, such as: "will I be quicker cycling with flatulence?" But only when the world seems to be asleep, my mind wakes up.

alright, at this point, please grab a drink and then continue reading. It won't get any better.
(This is not about trivializing alcohol. It's about not taking myself too seriously.)

The greatest thought you can ever have -as a never really grown up, insecure, natural being- is that you're very very normal. I always thought noone could have the same problems, feelings and such as I do. I thought I need to write a blog and let people know about this strange world that is my reality. But the truth, and this is the very true thruth, is that I'm not alone. My real problem was my inability to accept that I'm one of a billion, not worth more or less than anyone else. I always wanted to be special, and I am, no doubt, but in a totally different way than I expected. I am not different in colour, soul or dreams, but in my decisions. I know some of them are fake ones, like deciding between the products of a supermarket, since someone decided for me what to choose frome. But some choice, even just having them, means freedom to me. And nowadays (I know this sounds totally 80s!), in the world of globalisation and capitalism, freedom is the last difference we have.