Verweigerung - refusal *

again, I got a soundtrack, this time as for late winter's season, for when it's sunny and snowing outside sometimes but grey for the most of it...



to my surprise I found all the songs on youtube, not all of them in good quality, though.
the playlist:

1. the decemberists - the crane wife (after a japanese legend, also listen to the album of the same name)
2. tracy chapman - fast car (I just need someone to drive me... ;) )
3. soko - I'll kill her (thanks for the recommodation, Peda!)
4. beatles - you've got to hide your love away ("there'll be someone else..." bla bla)
5. five for fighting - superman (has life always been so difficult? I can't remember...)
6. ben harper - walk away ( "oh no, here comes that sun again...", great line)
7. joy division - transmission (this vioce... what an atmosphere...)
8. colourful grey - to end all songs (bad version on youtube, thrilling when performed live)
9. blink 182 - miss you (...and I always will)
10. kate nash - foundations (what's gone wrong?)
11. janis joplin - leaving on a jetplane (john denver's also great on this song, but I love the dumbo-vid on youtube! so cute!)
12. timmy thomas - why can't we live together (why?)
13. bee gees - and the sun will shine (it's true, I suppose...reminds me of old days with my mom...)
14. pearl jam - indifference (wow, eddie's voice is great. youtube has a nice version with ben harper)
15. queen - somebody to love (the incredible sound of freddie and his gang)
16. the who/ pete townshend - drowned (saw it live, different who-style, still amazing)
17. martin sexton - diner (you can't deny this little moments of pleasure between all that darkness... especially with scrubs on it)
18. the coral - dreaming of you (first heard on copa, full of memories)
19. ted's band - somewhere over the rainbow (performed in scrubs, goose-bumping)
20. suede - next life (...)

there's no song to express my exact feelings, I never had that before, but this time I couldn't find none to truely describe my situation. I guess, I have to write it myself. and it disproves my theory that all good songs have already been written and performed, all feelings have been expressed...

so what's left for me to say now, after all that great music above? well, thanks to people who (unlike me) still believe in what I'm doing, I reckon there'll be a time when I go on, as for the moment I have paused. I refuse to accept, to look forward and especially to forget.

no matter I often I'm told
time will outlast the pain
I'm reluctant to imagine
to give up on our love

don't try to change that.
or as my dad put's it: " 's is, wie's is." (it's how it is) life always goes on; and that's why it never has a happy ending, as they pretend in movies. life just doesn't end. you know, somehow I don't find that very consoling...

*~*

das wichtigste auf deutsch:
was bleibt mir nun noch zu sagen, nach all der wundervollen musik oben? nunja, danke einiger leute, die (im gegensatz zu mir) noch an die dinge glauben, die ich tue, schätze ich es wird zeiten geben wo es für mich weitergeht, wo hingegen ich im moment einfach nur pausiere. ich weigere mich zu akzeptieren, vorwärts zu schauen oder gar zu vergessen.

egal wie oft mir gesagt wird
zeit wird den schmerz überdauern
ich weigere mich mir vorzustellen
unsere liebe aufzugeben

versucht nicht das zu ändern.
oder wie mein papa gerne sagt: " 's is, wie's is." das leben geht immer weiter; und deswegen gibt es auch niemals ein happy end wie einem in filmen gern vorgegaukelt wird. das leben hört nicht einfach auf. nunja, irgendwie finde ich das nicht sehr tröstlich...