outside the fire...

I know, there's a Spain-holiday-report on the line, but training today gave me a lot to think about and I just wanna share a few words.

It seems that ultimate frisbee in Frankfurt finally becomes a lot more competetive than ever before (and I'm afraid even more than I can keep up with). Of course there's a good reason: we're gonna try hard to get a spot for the EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIPS in London this september!!! Believe me, this IS exciting! It would be the furthest Frankfurt would ever get, since worlds are played only in national teams. But as a mixed team with as many men as women, we have a realistic chance to get to play in London. Of course we are by far way too many players and so a squad must be chosen. It's my big dream to be a part of it, ok, I should say goal, but ... don't know. At the moment I can only dream about it...

Ok, I guess since I'm still sick I shouldn't have great expections, but I was quite slow at training today and people were yelling. Of course when I finally caught a disc I couldn't throw anymore as well; and after my first point on the field my trainer told me I urgently need some individual throwing practise. Yes, how encouraging! Well, he's right, and I know it. And to become faster I'd need some running practise or similar, too. But here's the point: I have doubts, strong doubts, if I am one of the women they'll choose and there'd be nothing more frustrating for me than giving my best and still fail. So, how much effort do I want to put in this venture? How serious do I wanna become? On the other hand, I can't even imagine NOT to try. That would make me a loser, wouldn't it?
And there's something else I've noticed: After Paganello, which Frankfurt played over easter and I didn't, I don't quite feel part of the team. Well, I was never someone everyone ... (how do I say this?) ... let's say, I was never a remarkable part of the team. But now there're so many stories and stuff I don't know and I feel a bit as an outsider. Luckily I got some good friends, but still, the rest hardly says hallo...

Well, you could bet I'm only frustrated a bit at the moment and you may win the bet. Before training today I told myself not to take it too serious and just enjoy! Have fun! Smile! Sorry, I failed. I should change my attitude and then learn how to throw etc. I wanna be the one who doesn't get too excited (in a bad sense, I still wanna be an intense player) and just has loads of fun. In the end, the spirit wins.